


I loved and I loved and I lost you

by HiIWriteCringeyStoriesOnTheInternet



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheater John Watson, Cheating, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt John Watson, Hurt Sherlock, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, Sad Ending, Sad Sherlock, Songfic, for a bit, then back to angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 09:12:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14422215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiIWriteCringeyStoriesOnTheInternet/pseuds/HiIWriteCringeyStoriesOnTheInternet
Summary: Sherlock hurts John. John hurts Sherlock.John sleeps with another girl.Sherlock goes back to drugs.John calls him a liar.Sherlock’s had enough.Sherlock leaves.John breaks.Aka: a pathetic attempt at writing angst for a show that I’ve never watched aside from short clips.





	I loved and I loved and I lost you

**Author's Note:**

> The song is;
> 
> Hurts Like Hell  
> By Fleurie.

 

_[Link To Song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pUlX8ltm_JU) _

 

_How can I say this without breaking?_

 

John dropped his head into his hands and started taking deep breaths.

 

 

 

_How can I say this without taking over?_

 

John’s breathing picked up and Sherlock watched as t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ his roommate began working himself to the brink of a panic attack.

 

 

_How can I put it down into words?_

 

John tried to choke out words, tried to force something out but all that came out was incoherent gibberish.

 

 

_When it's almost too much for my soul alone?_

 

John began sobbing and Sherlock awkwardly fiddled with his coat, unsure of what to do and whether to comfort his doc- no. Not his doctor. Not anymore. John was just his flat mate. Just the only person he’d ever loved (apart from mummy of course).

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

 

John began having flashbacks to when Sherlock had ‘died’.

 

 

 

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

John’s heart lurched out of his chest and into his throat, leaving him gasping and crying out in pain on the floor.

 

 

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

Sherlock felt a wet substance on his face and only when he brought a hand to his face did he realise that he too was crying.

 

 

 

_And it hurts like hell._

John felt like he was dying.

 

 

_Yeah it hurts like hell._

Sherlock felt an unpleasant burning sensation in his stomach and his throat felt like it was clogged up just from seeing the doctor so upset.

**Timeskip to next morning.**

Sherlock woke up at the crack of dawn and thankfully found that his blogger was still asleep.

 

Sherlock crept to John’s laptop and flipped it open, the bright screen burning his retina.

 

 

 

_I don't want them to know the secrets,_

Sherlock made his way to the doctors blogs and slowly began deleting everything.

 

 

 

_I don't want them to know the way I loved you,_

Sherlock found an image of him and John hugging and grinning at the camera, a quote underneath them written saying; “#CoupleGoals”.

 

It was clearly created by someone who had been watching them very closely in order to get this photo yet somehow no one came to mind. Not a single face.

 

 

 

_I don't think they'd understand it, no._

Sherlock couldn’t bring himself to care and his mouse hovered over the red cross icon.

 

 

 

_I don't think they would accept me, no._

Sherlock remembered when he was introduced to a friend of Johns from work. They called Sherlock an unworthy parasite and incapable of loving anyone. They shouted at him that he didn’t deserve John.

And Sherlock believed them.

_I loved and I loved and I lost you._

Sherlock thought of the last time John and him had gone on a date and that was at a pub a week ago.

 

 

Some clingy little bitch sauntered up to them before their date had even began and took all of John’s attention.

 

 

 

John completely ignored Sherlock.

 

 

 

_I loved and I loved and I lost you._

John and the girl flirted all night long in front of him.

 

 

 

_I loved and I loved and I lost you._

John didn’t spare Sherlock a second glance when the girl invited him over to her house.

 

_And it hurts like hell._

John came home the next day with hickeys all over his neck and collarbone and he smelled like women’s perfume. Sherlock didn’t have to deduce anything to know what had happened.

_Yeah it hurts like hell._

Sherlock cried himself to sleep that night.

 

 

Snapping himself from his thoughts when he heard a thump from John’s room Sherlock ensured quickly that no evidence that he’d been on Johns laptop was left and he quickly went to the kitchen to continue an experiment he’d left untouched for a few days.

 

“Sherlock?” John mumbled, bleary eyed as he rubbed his eyes.

 

“What are you doing awake?” Sherlock asked keeping his face as blank as he could and his voice monotone to hide his fear of being caught by John.

 

“I should be asking you that Sherlock! Why on Earth are you awake at 5:30AM!? And don’t you dare say your experiment cause I know that is bullshit.” John quickly cut in when he saw Sherlock about to start gesturing to the pile of white substance- John’s eyes widened in disbelief at what he saw.

 

_Dreams fight with machines,_

_Inside my head like adversaries,_

“WHAT THE FUCK SHERLOCK!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!? YOU SAID YOU WERE CLEAN!! YOU FUCKING LIAR-“ John’s screaming was cut off by a growl from Sherlock.

 

“Oh so _i’m_ the fucking liar in this situation!?” Sherlock snarled standing up and walking around the counter to come face to face with John.

 

“DON’T FUCKING PLAY THE VICTIM SHERLOCK-“ Sherlock grabbed John by the collar of his sweater and brought them so close that their noses were touching.

 

“So I’m not allowed to resort to my only source of happiness yet you are!?” Sherlock spat, his composure long gone by now.

 

“What on Earth are you talking about Sherlock-“

 

“Oh don’t play dumb John! You know what I’m talking about!”

 

“No Sherlock, I don’t!”

 

“So you’ve just forgotten the last date we ever had where _you_ flirted with a whore the entire time, completely ignored me and then _had sex with her?”_

 

John went still and looked horrified as he stared into the eyes of his e̶x̶-̶l̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ flatmate.

 

John felt a wave of guilt shock him and he saw a flash of sadness in Sherlock’s eyes that went as soon as it came.

 

Sherlock’s face hardened and he made a move to step away from John but the doctor wrapped his arms around Sherlock’s waist and pulled him into a tight constricting hug.

 

 

 

_Come wrestle me free,_

_Clean from the war,_

 

John buried his face into Sherlock’s neck and he felt the younger man go slack in his arms.

 

Sherlock only moments later broke down into tears and started choking out apologies. John quickly silenced him with a kiss so Sherlock stopped crying and just resolved to silently whimper.

 

 

_Your heart fits like a key,_

_Into the lock on the wall,_

“I’m so sorry Sherlock I didn’t...she didn’t mean anything to me...you know that right? Please tell me you can deduce that?

 

“...”

 

“Sherlock?...Love, what’s wrong?” John pulled his face from Sherlock’s neck to gently bring the younger man’s face in between his hands.

 

John ran his fingers across the sharp cheekbones and saw Sherlock slightly lean into the touch.

 

“Sherlock please look at me...” John began pressing kisses to the taller man’s neck and sucking on it making Sherlock let out a soft moan.

 

_I turn it,_

 

 

“I’m so sorry my love...” John whispered continuing to pepper Sherlock with soft kisses.

 

 

_I turn it,_

Sherlock still wouldn’t look at him.

 

 

_But I can't escape,_

Sherlock closed his eyes tightly and still would not look at John.

 

 

_I turn it over,_

Sherlock pushed himself away from John and ran out the door.

 

 

_I turn it over,_

Sherlock dashed down the street as fast as he could and just kept running and running and running until eventually he ended up somewhere.

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

Sherlock dropped to his knees and broke down sobbing in the middle of a deserted road.

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

John frantically ran through the streets searching for his flat mate.

His best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

His lover.

 

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

Sherlock felt arms wrap around him and when he glanced up he saw someone he never thought he’d be glad to see.

 

His older brother Mycroft.

 

 

And he wasn’t alone.

 

 

 

Greg stood by his lover unsure of what to do when Sherlock broke down in tears once more and buried his face into the inspectors chest.

 

Greg brought a hand up and rubbed Sherlock’s back in what he hoped was a soothing motion.

 

It apparently was as Sherlock began to calm down and was reduced to just sniffles.

 

 

 

“Come now Sherlock.” Mycroft helped Sherlock to his feet and Sherlock stumbled a bit.

_And it hurts like hell._

 

 

John fell to the ground and cried out in sadness as it finally dawned on him that Sherlock really had left him.


End file.
